Two worlds colliding when I’m with you,
A voice is rising so, so high
We come to life when we’re in perfect harmony.
Now I know why letting go is so difficult for me. Look at the featured image – that’s the last painting I made in the Netherlands. I thought it showed the universe, each dot representing a person, a living being, a place, or a situation. They’re all intertwined and in some spaces, connections are possible but weren’t made. The universe is still expanding – it knows in what direction to go, but it has no idea how the net will look then because it depends on each little dot.
Well, as of recently, I realized that I am life in a physical wrapping. You are too. I am this net. However, these dots aren’t the people that influenced me, rather they’re the pieces of myself I gave to others, to places, to situations. The connections in-between make me who I am. Because I give myself so freely, I become attached and begin missing those people and the parts of myself I gave to them. I’m infinite just like the universe, so the more I give, the more I grow, but as I am still human, I feel hurt whenever I have to move on and continue giving to new people. I’m tearing off for good that piece I just gave and leaving that version of myself in the past. It’s constant change. It’s a perfect harmony that happens when you meet your people and their worlds.
We’re all ever-evolving and ever-changing. We don’t know what type of people we’ll become tomorrow, or who’ll surround us then. As I wrote yesterday, awareness is paramount to consciously creating the life we want. Comfort in chaos is important, especially when you realize you are life itself. You are chaos, change, difference in your core. You are the connections between the neurons, between your memories, between your network, and connections are always active, always new. So, feeling at home when your life is shifting, means feeling at home with yourself, in your skin, being happy with who you choose to be in this very moment.
Beware though – there’s a balance between simultaneously being happy with your past choices and acting on your vision. We can’t have the energy to take action if we spend it all on overanalyzing the past, judging ourselves, and incessantly changing what we want to do or who we want to be. At the same time, there can’t be consistent action if we don’t cherish and celebrate our past choices, because they built the foundation for our present.
I give a lot of myself – I’m open to people, and I’m learning how to accept them and their wants the way they are without posing my own ideas, wants, expectations on them. I’m very content with that choice, so I will continue making it. This, of course, means learning to be okay with people, situations, places coming and going. Damn, it’s so hard! But that’s okay, with time and practice it becomes easier, sometimes it’s even enjoyable thanks to how grateful I am to have had this person, environment, or circumstance in my life. I still get attached, and I still give a lot of myself, but that’s living life to the fullest for me – sharing yourself, receiving others when they share themselves, dissolving in the spaces you visit and experiences you have, growing from all of that.
What about you? Do you struggle with letting go, or you’re happy with everything that has been, is, and will be in your life? What does living life to the fullest mean for you?