Passed by

I let the dress fall to the floor. I felt his gaze slide down my back and how he sighed at the curve above my ass. I took off my bralette over my head and took off my underwear a little clumsily. I turned and looked at him. The thirst in his glittering eyes gives me pleasure, even when I don’t think I look that good.

–        And now you.

He stood up and unbuttoned his shirt, slowly. Took it off. He knows that I like to watch him and devour him with my eyes with no rush. He took off his dark jeans and ran a finger along the line of his boxers before pushing them to fall. He approached me naked, wearing only socks. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I also wanted to peel his skin to see what heart was beating behind his ribs. But I had to be content with words and the hope that this time he would be sincere and open with me. I don’t want to go to prison, nor do I want to work and get so tired just to learn more about him.

–        Why is it easier for you to take off your clothes in front of me, but not the hollow posture?

I asked him, my head resting on his shoulder. I felt his neck tighten and he stopped the kiss on my neck midway. He paused, and I continued:

.        I want to see who you are. I’m happy with what we have because you’re sexy and good in bed, but that’s not enough for me. We were going to be friends with benefits, but we’re acquaintances with benefits right now – I don’t even know you well enough to ask you to make out before we start. Or to touch me more, to grab me here and there from time to time. You know that women need more build-up, we are not like men. And I thought you enjoyed being friendly with me.

Silence. I broke away from him. He stared at the ground and with his arms limp next to his body. I started gathering my clothes when he started:

–        Well, are you really leaving now?

–        Yes.

As I was getting dressed, I thought about how much I wanted to meet a man with whom we were attracted to each other and with whom we could take down our walls. I am a romantic and I am looking for my soulmate. Or at least the one who shares my understanding of life and relationships and is ready to put them into practice with me. However, I have to leave the wrong ones early so that there is room for him.

My not-Him kept watching me while I got dressed. I could feel him boiling inside, but he was silent. Before, when I wanted him to try to arouse me more before he penetrated me or before he used his fingers, he threw himself into tirades about how easy it is for us women – every time we wanted sex we got it, but when a man asked, he would receive only excuses and apologies. I expected something similar now, but he surprised me. I said:

–        Now we can be only acquaintance. I’ll go home alone, good evening.

He put on his boxers and walked me to his door. While I waited for the elevator, he stood in his doorway looking at me. Still speechless. The flesh in my chest was heavy and still beat fast. It hurt me that we didn’t see each other in the same light. That I wasn’t interesting enough for him to talk to me. That I myself put myself in this situation where I had good orgasms with a man who does not want, and maybe can not, get closer to me in any other way.

The elevator came, and all I heard was the sound of the ropes on the way down. Outside, silence took me in its arms and hid the wet lines on my cheeks.