On (Self)Love

When you are born a woman, you have many people commenting on your appearance – how beautiful or ugly you are, thin or fat, whether you have pimples on your face, whether you remove your leg hair, etc. It all starts as a baby and intensifies greatly during puberty, when your body begins to change. Many women, especially in Bulgaria, decide that their appearance is their self-worth. No matter how smart, ambitious or capable they are. Good looks mean high personal worth, and high personal worth leads to a good life, right? Yes, but part of the personal worth is how much you love yourself and can take care of your own needs. I’m not just talking about financial needs, but also emotional and spiritual ones. 

When you believe that your worth is determined by your external beauty, you stop growing in other areas and start looking for a person or people to meet all your needs. This can be expressed in getting a man to support you, girlfriends to listen to you complain about this man and a complete rejection of your desires for professional or spiritual development outside of these relationships. Then we wonder why so many men call women ‘crazy’ and ‘dependent’. Men, on the other hand, are taught that they have to be tough and make money. They determine their worth by how much they earn and how beautiful the woman next to them is – again extremely unhealthy, because none of that depends entirely on them. 

Many spiritual practices speak of the masculine and feminine beginnings – two energies that are inherent in each of us. The feminine energy is soft, it creates and is here to enjoy, to go with the flow, while the masculine energy is here to build, to subdue and to achieve, to control. The balance between the two is extremely important not only in the relationship between the sexes, but also in ourselves. Without a desire to act, people float into hedonism and begin wasting time. Without pleasure, however, the same people burn out and develop mental health problems. The woman and the man are here to support each other, to strengthen and complement each other, not to dominate each other. How can they do it in a healthy manner though? 

First, by discovering their own worth beyond society’s expectations. When they find that they are enough and deserve to make all their dreams come true now, as they are now. This discovery can happen when they balance the masculine and feminine energies within themselves and see that one is no better than the other. That how much they earn, how they have fun or what they look like has NOTHING to do with their self-worth. 

Lately, the following statement has been spinning in my head: “The woman reflects the man next to her. She only has the right to choose who to reflect. ”

Yes, the woman reflects the man next to her. Yes, a man needs this mirror to discover his strengths and believe in himself enough to take care of himself and his partner, to grow. But if the two do not have a solid foundation on which to rest, within themselves, what they will see in their partners will never truly satisfy them.

It was from this reflection that the idea for this text came to me – some time ago I wrote a list with almost 90 points about what the ideal man is for me. Well, in order to attract what you want, you have to be and live in the energy as if you have already received it. In other words, I described what kind of man I want to reflect. That is, in order to receive it, I must be ready to reflect it. If he’s great, then I’ll be great. If he’s confident, so will I. If he has a successful business, then I will have one, etc. It is a lot of fun how I gave my power away to another person to come in and then I’ll start reflecting him. I have described what I want to be! 

When we describe what our ideal partner is, we are describing what we want to be. We describe how we imagine life when the masculine and feminine beginnings in us are balanced. We describe what we want and what we believe we deserve. If we just work on being our dream partner, we will attract such partners, because we will be available to reflect only them or better than them. Then we will have the necessary foundation of skills and qualities to share our lives with such people without burning out or feeling inferior. This is how we build the foundations of our dream personal expression. However, we often do not act in this direction because we think that all this is in someone else’s hands – God, the universe or something else will give us what we want before we have done the necessary work. It is up to us to realize our personal self-worth and to act in such a way as to manifest it. When we love ourselves, we do and create whatever ignites our souls, whatever brings us joy. Then we grow and change so that we become more and more ourselves. 

Love is an exchange between male and female energy – in order to love yourself, you have to balance them. You must see that you are perfect as you are now. Only then can you love yourself and evaluate yourself properly. Only when you live as if you are enough and love yourself, can you express your softness, emotions and intuition, but also actively take steps towards your goals. Then you can become the person you dream of being. Then you can attract the dream woman or the dream man. Because you will live in the energy of yourself, of what you have to give to the world. Only then, the right people, opportunities and realizations can come to you. 

Finally, I want to share a cool TikTok that talks about how men and women are conditioned differently and gives a clear example of how the imbalance of male and female energy affects the sexes. In short: men feel safe when they have sex and so they feel close to their partners. They need physical intimacy before they can open up emotionally, because they are conditioned that it’s a huge weakness to allow someone to see you as you are. For women, the opposite is true – they need an emotional connection and openness between them and their partner to feel protected and ready to have sex. Sex for women is scary because they are conditioned that it is bad to enjoy physical intimacy and that if something goes wrong, the responsibility is theirs alone. 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8Na7GJm/ See you

Till soon!